I'm testing out an iPhone app (iPod touch actually) that lets me post to Blogger. If successful, it would mean that I could sometimes give unwanted advice to people just as they annoy me, rather than waiting until I get home.
I know you're excited about that prospect.
Posted with LifeCast
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
This shouldn't be so hard
To: Two Old Guys who Tried to Steal our Seats at the Soccer Game
CC: Surly Guy Who Wouldn't Slide Over to his Actual Seats when We All Arrived
Yes, I know it's a grand tradition to move to better seats at sporting events.
Yes, we should all be friends and work together to support the US soccer team.
Yes, there are plenty of good seats in the stadium.
Here's the thing -- It was before the national anthems. And we had the actual tickets. That means, by every rule in the book, you have gotta get out of my seats when I ask you to. Also, you are like 55 or 60 years old. You should know better.
These two conversations should not happen.
Me (returning from getting food; seeing our entire 6-seat area taken): Hi. Are you sure you're in the right row?
Head Old Guy: No.
Me: OK...well, I have a group, and we'd like to sit in our actual seats.
HOG: So. There's plenty of good seats.
Me: Um. We just want to sit in the seats we paid for, and we want to sit together.
HOG (taking some other seats that aren't his): Wow, don't make such a [expletive deleted] deal about it.
Me (noticing another group has slid into some of our seats): Hi. We have up to number 12. Are you sure you're in the right numbers?
Surly Guy (takes out a ticket, folded to hide his seat number): What does it matter?
Me: Well, we have a group of seats, and we want to sit together.
Reasonable Guy (shifting his surly friend): We have some space to move down.
Me (politely, to Surly Guy): Thank you.
SG: [expletive deleted] you.
CC: Surly Guy Who Wouldn't Slide Over to his Actual Seats when We All Arrived
Yes, I know it's a grand tradition to move to better seats at sporting events.
Yes, we should all be friends and work together to support the US soccer team.
Yes, there are plenty of good seats in the stadium.
Here's the thing -- It was before the national anthems. And we had the actual tickets. That means, by every rule in the book, you have gotta get out of my seats when I ask you to. Also, you are like 55 or 60 years old. You should know better.
These two conversations should not happen.
Me (returning from getting food; seeing our entire 6-seat area taken): Hi. Are you sure you're in the right row?
Head Old Guy: No.
Me: OK...well, I have a group, and we'd like to sit in our actual seats.
HOG: So. There's plenty of good seats.
Me: Um. We just want to sit in the seats we paid for, and we want to sit together.
HOG (taking some other seats that aren't his): Wow, don't make such a [expletive deleted] deal about it.
Me (noticing another group has slid into some of our seats): Hi. We have up to number 12. Are you sure you're in the right numbers?
Surly Guy (takes out a ticket, folded to hide his seat number): What does it matter?
Me: Well, we have a group of seats, and we want to sit together.
Reasonable Guy (shifting his surly friend): We have some space to move down.
Me (politely, to Surly Guy): Thank you.
SG: [expletive deleted] you.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Let's make a deal
So, usually I just dispense advice outwardly, because, seriously, I'm almost perfect. But, just for today, I'm going to take a little of my own medicine.
And it has nothing to do with the number of commas in those first two sentences.
Here is a compromise that I am proposing:
And it has nothing to do with the number of commas in those first two sentences.
Here is a compromise that I am proposing:
- I - will be more aware of pedestrians when I'm biking through a crosswalk.
- You - will not try to kill me by screaming in my ear as I pass through a crosswalk, sending me flying off my bike and careening into oncoming traffic, just because I didn't come to a complete stop at a STOP sign.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Quiet please
Jason writes...
Dear Mom in Borders,
When your small child is repeatedly SCREAMING, that is not necessarily an indication that you should just wait it out and he/she'll calm down. If you're in a book store, please PLEASE just take your yelling, crying, upset child OUTSIDE. It will make everyone happier. Particularly if it seems like this behavior will continue for 20+ minutes.
Josh adds...
ATTN: All parents
Add church to that list while we're at it. We all appreciate the fact that your kids have to be somewhere, but unless we're on a) an airplane, b) a submarine, or c) a spacecraft* please help us enjoy the few quiet places.
* - or some unholy combination of all three!
Dear Mom in Borders,
When your small child is repeatedly SCREAMING, that is not necessarily an indication that you should just wait it out and he/she'll calm down. If you're in a book store, please PLEASE just take your yelling, crying, upset child OUTSIDE. It will make everyone happier. Particularly if it seems like this behavior will continue for 20+ minutes.
Josh adds...
ATTN: All parents
Add church to that list while we're at it. We all appreciate the fact that your kids have to be somewhere, but unless we're on a) an airplane, b) a submarine, or c) a spacecraft* please help us enjoy the few quiet places.
* - or some unholy combination of all three!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Not funny
Dear Ladies at the Front of the Line at Starbucks,
No matter how much or how loudly you laugh at yourselves, it turns out that it is not funny for you to pretend that you can't decide what you want to order. It is also not funny to pretend you forgot your wallets. I know, I was surprised too.
Here's an extra tidbit too. The guy who works there is laughing along because he is hoping for a tip. Also it is all he can do to keep himself from throwing the cash register at you.
No matter how much or how loudly you laugh at yourselves, it turns out that it is not funny for you to pretend that you can't decide what you want to order. It is also not funny to pretend you forgot your wallets. I know, I was surprised too.
Here's an extra tidbit too. The guy who works there is laughing along because he is hoping for a tip. Also it is all he can do to keep himself from throwing the cash register at you.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Choose one
If you're walking down the bike path by the lake, and you've got your kids in one of those double-wide strollers, you're going to have to choose only one (at most) of these activities to compliment your walk.
- Stand motionless
- Talk on your cell phone
- Be in the oncoming lane
Sunday, August 17, 2008
You've come to the right place
Thanks to a discussion with this guy, among others, I have decided that there needs to be an advice column for all the people who are unaware that they need advice. This could take the form of general advice to the world or to anonymous individuals that I encounter.
If you feel the need to express some advice, I'm sure I'll be happy to include it here. So just send it along to me and I'll make it into a post!
Stay to tuned to this channel for that kind of thing. Also feel free to check out my other blog, if you somehow got here but your real interest is Northwestern sports and my life in general.
If you feel the need to express some advice, I'm sure I'll be happy to include it here. So just send it along to me and I'll make it into a post!
Stay to tuned to this channel for that kind of thing. Also feel free to check out my other blog, if you somehow got here but your real interest is Northwestern sports and my life in general.
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